Yelling the name of Jesus Christ at people - in a volume to make their ears bleed - is never going to convert them to christianity!
Hot-gospellers at both
ends of London Bridge 'smornin'...
Me: "If they've got door handles, door latches and door hinges, they must have door locks?"
MrsD: "Well I can't see any. I'm going to ask at Customer Services."
Brain Dead Employee: "Well, if we've got them, they'll be here."
Me: (Not Out Loud)'No shit, Sherlock. And there's me thinking they'd be amongst the tins of fecking paint'.
"You've got everything else, you must have some?"
BDE: "That's Wickes for you! You'd better try B&Q."
Me: (wandering down the aisle before I break someone's nose) "Ah, here they are. But you've only got brass or chrome - no nickel ones?"
BDE: "Looks like B&Q then?"
Me: "Look, they've got one. Maybe they've got more in stock? Let's go to Customer Services"
Me: "Do you have another one of these in stock?"
BDE: "Aren't there any others on the rack?"
Me: (Not Out Loud)'Yep, there were fifteen of them, but we wanted to watch you scouring the warehouse for a fresh one'.
BDE: Tap tap tap "The system says we've got three of them?"
Me: "What - in the warehouse?"
BDE: "No - on the rack"
Me: (Not Out Loud)'If I played this conversation back to you, would you have one brain cell that would make you realise how fecking stupid you are?'
"Oh, go fcuk yourself"
Now I'll be the first to admit that I am not suitable material for an oil painting, but there was a double-bagger* of a woman on the train this morning who was so unspeakably ugly, she was virtually an alien?
Her hair was piled on the top of her head in an array that couldn't even be classed as an afterthought and she looked not so much as if she'd been pulled through a hedge backwards, more force-fed through Becher's Brook
Still, she had an engagement ring on, so someone must love 'er..
* Two bags over the head - in case the first one comes off
After many years of faultless service, my trusty Nokia 6170
brick of a moby has been sent to cellphone heaven.
Which is actually at a childminding friend's home, where, amongst the many diversions, she lets her clientele play with old mobies (sans SIM, of course) pretending to 'phone each other!
It's replacement was a joy to buy.. maximum of 6 minutes from entering the shop to exiting - now that's my
idea of heaven.
Me: "I'd like to buy a San Francisco, please"
Shop Assistant: "White or grey, Sir?"
Me: "Grey, please"
SA: "Can I have your SIM and PIN, please?" (quick switchover)
"That will be £86 after deducting your Phone Fund credit. Thank you and enjoy your new 'phone."
Absolute shopping bliss! Nice one, Orange!
"Forgive me Blogworld, for I have sinned; it has been over a year since my last confession. Er... post."
has been 're-ordered' from the original song's lyrics, but having finally worked out how to remove the auto-redirect to Blogrolling.com, I've now been shamed by Herself
into posting for the first time in a very long while.
Mainly, pressure of work's been to blame, since following a hugely-impacting re-structure, my job has increased by at least 100%, so the time I would normally give over to posting is swallowed up by other demands.
But I do miss it, so maybe some (blog)time-management is in order?
Dictionary.com's "Word of the Day" for Friday 2nd July 2010 is a nice one.
But their explanation of its meaning makes you wonder who - in a word-driven world - did the spell-checking?